Greif

An old friend lost his son last night......not like where is he, but, his son was tragically killed in a car accident with three other teenagers.....four lives gone in an instant. It happened in my home town in California far from where I am now...but it has left me breathless.

Michael was my neighbor from the 3rd grade thru my junior year in high school...we went from playing in the desert sand together to playing in the marching band together....our families looked out for one another. From the first day we moved in our lives were intertwined...we went to the same church...literally 30 steps from our front doors( well 30 steps if you climbed the block wall surrounding the church and didn't walk around). We walked to school together, shared dinners together, walked to the mailbox together, road our ATC, played in the sand piles, swam in our pool, played house....played wedding....played farmer, watched the pig get slaughtered...you get it, bikes, toys, hideouts..beaches...camping...we had an amazing time together.

I have so many wonderful memories of the family next door, Don, Doris, Mike, Ann, Kevin and of course Grandma Jean...Don was a scuba diver...we would go to the beach and he would dive for clams and we would make clam chowder right there on the beach....Doris was a nurse, I remember one night in particular when my sister Melissa was burned by Boiling water, my parents weren't home, but Doris was....she came running right over and was such a source of comfort and support. She reassured me that I did the right thing and that because of my quick reaction Melissa would probably not scar to badly, I also remember the night we had an enormous party that got way out of control....after the police left, she did not judge, she just grabbed a trach bag and helped us clean up....and Michael...always the groom for our pretend weddings....with his cute freckles and sweet smile, his gentle spirit....and he always beat me when we raced our bikes down our long dirt road. but he never boasted, just silently road back right along side me, quitely confident in his win...then there was Ann, the sweet girl, just followed along doing whatever we asked of her...we were after all the cool older neighbor girls, as we got older we had make-up and curling irons and all those things little girls love...and Kevin..he would come over and play with us, the little Dennis the Menace....always lurking around the corner, ready at any moment to tattle on even the slightest rule broken, they rode to far, they played in the garden, they didn't wait for me....but cute...boy was he a cutie, we could forgive him anything....Then there was Nana Jean....boy was she ever wonderful, always ready to play Uno or make popcorn...she always seemed to know where we were and what we were up to...and let us have fun anyway....We were neighbors,friends...we were like family...

That is why my heart is aching for Michael right now...I know it has been years since we have seen each other but he has a permanent place in my heart, in my memories....I never had to see him parent to know that he is a great father, I never had to meet his children to know that they must be wonderful as they are a part of him...I don't have to be near him to know that as dramatically as his life changed the day Rylan came in to it, it will change because he is gone...I will pray for Michael and his family today...pray that they find comfort in knowing that Rylan is sitting at the feet of Jesus, resting in his arms, drinking from his cup , feeling his heart beat, melting in his peace, relaxing in the overwhelming beauty that we all could only hope to find...

So I write this today because I have a friend who is hurting and through the years and over the miles I can feel his pain....and my heart aches for him and with him....and I can only hope that one day he will lay down at the end of the day and realize that it hurt a little less today...but the memory's stay strong....I Love you Michael J...my heart is with you today....and I look forward to meeting your Precious Rylan when God calls me home....

This is my house!

I love my little house. I moved into this house 3 months before Larry and I got married. Now all of you who are going Aha...let me say, "I moved into the basement 3 months before Larry and I got married!" Larry tried really hard to let me have his room and he would take the basement but to be honest, that felt like alot of moving, and just getting my apartment moved into his basement was work enough. So into the basement went my things and everything thing else was Larry's.

I spent quite a bit of time cleaning and moving things when I first moved in. The kitchen was of course set up wrong and how could I possibly live with the "Royals Game commemorative mugs" as decorations? I cleaned too!!! Boy did I clean! Carpets,Walls, Floors you know...I took the bachelor out of the bachelor pad! I really wanted to feel bad for Larry, me slowly moving his things to the basement , but to be honest...I really didn't. To my surprise though, I didn't move my things upstairs. Well a few little things, mostly pictures, but my things stayed in the basement. We bought some new furniture and kept some of his(not the 40 yo 8 ft long UGLY couch) and went about finding things we both liked to decorate the space. I think after 2 years we have a pretty good balance that makes us both happy. I thought of this recently when I went to the basement and saw boxes of my stuff...still sitting there abandoned. Now home to cobwebs and dust...and I wondered why haven't I gotten rid of this stuff? Stuff, that's all it is...little pieces of our life before we moved into our little house on the corner. I'm not worried I will ever need any of it again, most of the kitchen stuff I gave to my son when he moved in his apartment and I have a few things I will send with Kassadee when she goes off to college...but most of it is just old decorations...things that don't really fit into the space I love now. Soooo next week my project will be the basement....I am finally going to discard the last of my previous life....A life that was filled with fear and loneliness....a life that held me captive in worry, a life that took me years to understand was less than I deserved....I wasn't living...I was waiting, with trepidation for the next shoe to drop, for the next tragedy, the next lost job, the next illness, the next kid drama, the next broken car or unpaid bill, the next and the next and the next.

I'm not sure Larry will ever understand how he saved us....how he gave us hope. How he filled a hole....how he breathed life back into me, the momma....How he made me live, not wait...how he made me feel safe...how he gave me the courage to take a step forward....to live and love and laugh and parent and breathe.....breathe.....just sit back and take a deep breath, free from fear and lonliness and worry and illness and pain and and and....

So this is my Thank You to Larry...thank you for giving me my little house on the corner...my safe place...my nest....my house and my home, my place to be the woman God intended me to be. wife and mother....safe and happy and loved beyond my wildest dreams....you are my hero Larry and I appreciate you. Thank you for letting us turn YOUR house into OUR home. Commerative Mugs and all. I Love you.......

Testing my moble blogger

Why the title?

Two of my favorite things.....Tea Cups and Quilts. Why? I recently thought about this and came up with a reason that could be profound or....just proves I spent alot of time in therapy.
I decided the tea cups represent the side of me that is fragile and delicate. I have a huge desire to be the kind of woman that is sweet and kind...fragile....the kind if soft spoken woman that many would associate with a Southern Belle.... so many of the thngs that are not me...most of the time...I want to be treated like a delicate bone china tea cup....beautiful, delicate yet strong enough to last decades...without fading or cracking. Handled with gentleness and appreciation for all its strength and beauty.
Quilts......they represent the beautiful, soft and comfy side of me. When you see a warn by love quilt you immediatly want to curl up on the couch with a hot drink and a good book. Warm and comfortable. Relaxing, peaceful and safe. Home and Family....and beauty. All these things we feel when we are wrapped in comfort and love. When my loved ones are near me I want them to feel like they are wrapped in a comfortable old quilt. I want them to feel warmth and comfort safety and love. The thing about quilts is the more you use them the more beautiful they become. I want to be the warn old quilt that my family longs for in the years to come. When they return to my home I want to wrap them in my comfort and love and keep them safe and warm for generations to come.....and the more they use me the more beautiful I will become.Ok so enough about that... I have been a blogger for years but this is the first blog I intend to share with others....Thanks for taking the ride with me......